thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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