"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
