PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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