I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize