Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
