she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
