Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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