She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
