i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize