it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
