i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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