the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a search helicopter?!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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