well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was born a porn star she said
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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