Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
