Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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