I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
