thus making me awesome and them whores
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
