I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
