My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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