so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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