Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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