glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
