whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
