We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
