My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
