I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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