apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
