I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
