Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize