if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize