my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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