: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.