I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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