tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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