I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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