i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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