dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
