I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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