Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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