In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
