I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
