She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A+ Viking dick
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
