Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
