Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
