'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
