Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
