i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
