I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
