best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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