omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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