as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
