Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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