I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
