I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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