Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Found the puke drawer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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