you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
