just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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