ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
