If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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