Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That accounts for only three of the penises
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
