i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
