i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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