I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
