Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how can u be prego again
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
