Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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