If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
