If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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