Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
