just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know her cup size but not her name....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
