Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
