Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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