He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
