Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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