Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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