Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
