So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
