We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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