Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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