just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
