alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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