I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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