Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
