if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
