do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
