I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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