Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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