Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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