You just made me feel so damn special
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
