aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
