How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
