Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
