we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
