So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
