what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
