Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
